Deadline, feels like I'm going to lose my mind

I haven't written a FIRST book since 2005. That's when I finished the first draft of Glimpse - it was 30K, a family saga, and nowhere near being an actual novel. I didn't know that, though - my background is in monologue and play writing -I was just stoked I'd told the story I'd set out to tell.

Fast forward to now, almost exactly seven years later, and I'm trying like hell to finish Found, another novel set in the Zellie Wells world. (I've written other firsts in between, but nothing novel length.)

I can't shake the feeling that all the experience I've gained in the last seven years, all the time I've put into becoming a full-fledged AUTHOR, is keeping me from finishing Found.

Sometimes it sucks to know too much. To be aware of all the mistakes you're making while you're making them and not be able to stop yourself from correcting them right then and there.

Found is a cool, interesting story that I want to write - only I can't get away from comparing it to Glimpse and trying to not do all the things I did wrong with that book all over again.

I thought if I approached the writing of Found in a completely different way - if I made a more detailed outline than I ever had before, if I used a beat sheet, if I set a timer and wrote without self-editing - that I could get over myself.

Instead, I've lost myself. There's not as much of me in Found as there is in Glimpse.

Glimpse has around one thousand written reviews across all platforms, with an average of 4 stars. It came out in 2010. When I read my reviews on Amazon (I stopped reading them everywhere else) I pay most attention to the 3 star, middle-of-the-road ones.

From these I've learned that my pacing isn't great, my use of slang is annoying, and that I don't describe things as fully as readers would like. And everyone hates Zellie's mom. :)

So, I thought that by working on making these things better, in addition to having other books under my belt and knowing what I was doing this time around, that I could bust Found out in two months.

My first self-imposed deadline was August. Then October...November...now it's hopefullybyChristmasfirstweekofJanuaryatthelatest.

Some of my heel-dragging stems from life stuff - I didn't have any kids in 2005, my dad had a heart attack and my parents who usually help me out a ton now need my help ( which I'm more than happy to give!), I signed my kids up for way too many activities, and I've committed to working out at least four times a week.

Therefore, when I get a chance to sit down and write, keeping in mind all of my new rules, following my beat sheet, trying not to self-edit...it's about as fun as getting a colonoscopy.

I read this post by my friend, and probably yours, Megg Jensen and it did make me feel a little better.

What I'd like to hear from you all is: How do you get better technically without losing the joy?

I'm stumped. I'm bummed. And I'd really like to have a new book out in time for all those new e-readers! (Psst. I'm at 40K and have an editor that will read it anytime, so all is not lost.)

                                                                                                                                                                  

Even though she can't finish her latest novel, Stacey Wallace Benefiel can push press 55 lbs. forty-eight times. So, there's that.

Strung to Pieces

A hush fills the auditorium. The awestruck audience sit on the edge of their seats, focused on the graceful marionette dancing across the stage, his strings blending into the background as if the puppet were a real boy. When the curtain drops and the fans jump to their feet to applaud the performance, the puppeteer steps upon the stage to take her bow.

A flawless performance. Or so it seems.

What would have happened if that puppeteer had ten puppets to manipulate at once? Her focus spread across many instead of just one? That audience probably would have left within the first five minutes. Nobody wants to watch a poor performance.

Say we do the opposite and have ten manipulators to one puppet--each in charge of a string. Suppose we replace them with all our goals and the marionette with time. What do you think will happen?

Many of us, whether a student or an author or a stay-at-home mom, believe we can do it all. I'm one of those peeps. But lately, the strings are being pulled in different directions. Soon, the marionette will be shattered into several pieces. What good would that do?

We need to take a different approach.

Yes, we can do it all, just not at the same time. We spread ourselves too thin, and can't perform our best in what we're trying to accomplish.

This may seem like a no-brainer to some, but I've recently come to this conclusion. Taking a step back to focus on the top few priorities in life, the most important things, will produce far more happiness and success than attempting to accomplish the vast list we create for ourselves. See, I think that's a key to enjoying the journey. To me, there is no point in reaching a goal if the results aren't standing ovation worthy and I didn't have a good time getting there.

We are given a certain amount of hours in each day. Some think it's not enough. Others believe it's just the right amount. Whatever the answer may be, make what you do with it a joyful ride.

Peace.

_____________________________

Angela Carlie writes fiction about young people. She's the author of the Lords of Shifters series, Dream Smashers, and Land of Corn Chips. She lives in the beautiful state of Washington with her husband and teenage son and crew of furry critters. Traveling, hiking, kayaking, reading, and writing are activities that rock her world. For more information, check out http://angelacarlie.blogspot.com or http://angelacarlie.com